No More Pain
by Anti-Nostalgic Angel
Summary: "I don't want to lose you . . . but, what a painful world." Songfic, one-shot. FeMC's POV. Shinji x FeMC/MShe/Minako/Hamuko


-crickets- . . . . Uhhh . . . so . . . my playlist inspired this. I know I'm supposed to be working on Addressed to You, but this popped into my brain instead and I decided to use it to get back into writing gear. Even though I still have two finals to write. -silence- Yeah. Pleasedon'tkillme. OTL

The song that inspired this is called "No More Pain" by KAT-TUN.

**Disclaimers:** "No More Pain" song and lyrics (c) KAT-TUN and Johnny's Entertainment  
>Persona 3 Portable, its characters and terms (c) Atlus

* * *

><p><strong>No More Pain<strong>

_Beep . . . beep . . . beep . . . beep . . ._ Rhythmic, constant, unfaltering. The sound of the ECG quietly vocalizing the steady beat of his heart stilled my nerves as much as seeing the slow, regular rise and fall of his chest did. One dry, unmoving hand, slightly cooler than I last remembered but still warm to the touch, was clasped tightly in mine. His hands were wider, larger, darker than mine, almost dwarfing them even though it was his hand that was being held, not mine. With a small sigh I rested my cheek against his fingers to stare at his face, which was quiet as the rest of him, serene almost. No words. Just the ECG, and the wall clock. Steadily counting off heartbeats and seconds.

How ironic, I mused. This quiet, this near-peace, like the calm before the storm. A powerful and deadly storm, for tomorrow I would not be able to visit like this. No, I would be back at the dorm, gearing up for the showdown with Nyx. The great climatic battle for everyone's souls. Had I my way, if tomorrow was truly the end of the world, I would want to be always here, close to the one love of my life. But believing it was going to end would do no one any good. All of us in SEES knew this, which was why we had all decided almost a month ago to fight. Fight for ourselves, our friends, our families, the world.

My quiet contemplation was broken by a gentle knock on the door. I straightened and turned around in time to see Akihiko-senpai enter. His expression conveyed any message he needed to say, and I nodded. It was time to go; visiting hours were over, and we had a long and arduous mission tomorrow. As my silver-haired upperclassman left to wait outside, I gave the hand I held a soft squeeze, reaching over to stroke the soft brown locks that spread slightly over the pillow.

"I have to go now," I whispered quietly. "It's the big day tomorrow. I don't want to lose you, but what a painful world. I've gotta fight if I want that to happen . . . how shitty is that, huh? It's almost like those video games where you have to earn your happy ending . . ." Despite myself I let out a barked, dry giggle. "Well, wish us luck, Shinji. I love you."

A quick, soft kiss, and rising I reluctantly let go of his hand and headed for the door.

* * *

><p>The powerful explosion sent me flying, and I landed on the inky ground with a pained cry and a heavy thud that jarred my entire being. Coughing, panting from exertion, I struggled to rise, to stand back up, but my battered body refused to respond. The attack had been point-blank, and even with my Persona and training and equipment it had still hurt like hell. All I could do was lay there, limp like a marionette with its strings cut, wheezing for breath and vision blurry from sweat and blood and exhaustion.<p>

For a moment I wanted to cry. To scream and wail. I was alone in this blackness with nothing but my naginata, my Evoker, my Persona, and this giant glowing black-webbed egg that was Nyx. One hit from Messiah had barely put a dent in it, while a single attack from it had completely wiped me out. The voices from the others I'd heard in the Velvet Room came back to me, wriggling their way to the foreground of my mind. Hidetoshi-kun, Saori, Bebe-kun, Akinari, even old Mutatsu . . . everyone striving to fight their fear, and hope.

I almost burst out laughing at the sheer absurdity of it all. "Defeat the one who cannot be defeated"? "Power of the Universe"? "Nothing is outside the realm of possibility"? Was that really possible? It certainly didn't seem that way to me. Their prayers couldn't reach me this far away. So close to death, my cross had decayed to a point I could no longer lean against it. That crazy Igor and his crazy eyes and his crazy nose. What a destination to wind up in.

_"There's nothing we can do?"_

Ken-kun's voice sounded suddenly, out of the blue. The shock of hearing him so clearly jolted me back, and I panicked. Was he really here? No, no no no, he can't! He still had so much going for him, he couldn't just get blown to smithereens now! But no, no one was around. Only Nyx and I.

_"Don't give up! We have to believe in her!"_

Akihiko-senpai. I couldn't see them, they couldn't see me. But I could hear them talking to each other as if they were right here next to me. A weak, bitter laugh slipped out. Yeah, perfect. I was going absolutely insane from the mental and physical strain. Shinji would've yelled himself hoarse at me right now.

_"Give her strength! Take my life if you must!"_

_Damn it, Mitsuru-senpai!_ I almost screamed it aloud, and actually did when I felt a surge of power course through my body like fire. In that brief moment I'd thought she and the other two had actually died until I still felt in my heart that they were alive, recognized this sensation. It was the same as when my other Social Links had formed the Universe for me, made stronger because of both my weakened state and the sheer intensity of our bonds. With a grunt of exertion I struggled shakily to my feet, leaning heavily on my naginata to keep my knees from buckling beneath me.

Another point-blank explosion, but somehow I managed to miraculously ground myself. Was . . . was this the power of our Social Link? Was it because I had not one, but two Social Links with them? I could slowly hear the others now.

_"Yeah, I'm willing to risk mine, too!"_

My snort of laughter this time was more amusement. Yeesh, just like Yukari-chan to shout something out like that. I was caught between rolling my eyes or feeling impressed.

_"She's going to face it all by herself!"_

A part of me facepalmed at Fuuka's cry. She realizes this _now_? Y'know, not after I floated away from everyone on Tartarus to fly to the moon? Man, I didn't realize her Captain Obvious nature reached that level.

_"No, she's not alone! I won't let her die!"_

Not alone. I wasn't alone. Damn, I had to be impressed. Junpei-kun had actually said something that sounded _cool_. I wasn't alone . . . Another surge of energy, more warm than painful now that I knew what it was. Like a rapid-fire of Diarama spells, I could feel my body slowly regaining strength and stamina, and I could stand on my own two feet without buckling. This . . . this was unreal. But Junpei-kun's words echoed back at me. "Not alone". It wasn't just me, my naginata, my Evoker, my Persona, and that giant glowing black-webbed egg that was Nyx. The strength of my friends was coursing through me now as well. I allowed myself a more confident smile as I readied my weapon and leaped forward for a strike.

"That's right, you bastard," I hissed at the glowing thing before me. "Burn into your eyes my eternally fighting figure!"

Just as before, my attack hardly even nicked the damn thing, but as it fired up another ball of red-and-black energy of doom, I realized I felt . . . nothing. No pain, not from my previous injuries, or now, even as the explosion rocked the ground beneath me. I had somehow blocked that insanely broken attack.

Koro-chan barked, and I could guess from process of elimination who was going to speak next. Sure enough, Aigis's strong voice, no longer its monotonous choppy machine speak, echoed in the black expanse.

_"I won't allow this world to be destroyed!"_

Damn straight. I had my friends, everyone in SEES, and a comatose boyfriend to fight for. I'd sooner die than let that happen. I prepared myself for another power surge. But instead, something else, something I didn't expect at all, happened.

_"Alright. Let's do this."_

My eyes widened, not because of the Social Link boost or the sudden claircognizance of a new-found power, but because of the achingly familiar voice that had spoken those last few lines.

* * *

><p>"Don't cry . . . This is how it should be . . ."<p>

But the tears had come anyway, spilling down my cheeks unbidden as I'd dropped to my knees before his broken prone body. Blood had been seeping into the wool of his coat and pooling around him in the sickly green light. _No_, I'd wanted to wail. _I don't want to lose you. Don't become lost amongst all these people, in this disturbed time. _He had been a large source of my joy, my success story and my heart of hearts the whole of September; I couldn't let him just bleed out like that. But what a painful world it was. I could do nothing but break my promise of not crying and watch in helpless grief as his beautiful grey-brown eyes had glazed over and finally slowly fluttered closed.

In the hospital that night, I'd carved into my heart the pain of hope. He was going to be okay. He was tough as nails - no, even tougher - and he'd survive this and wake up and be fine after a few months of rest. It hadn't mattered if that meant he'd be forced to sit out of Tartarus exploring or Full Moon Shadow mulching. As long as he'd alive and well, waiting to welcome me back to the dorm. _I don't want to lose you._ But what a painful world it was. He would live, but he had slipped into a coma. Into a place where I couldn't reach him. _Why? _I had asked myself as someone - Akihiko-senpai, I think - had gently turned me around, forcing me to tear my eyes away from Shinji's still figure on the other side of the glass barrier. _Why does love only show its light, but then take you away? _

And at that time, I had wished that I couldn't feel that indescribable pain of a breaking heart.

* * *

><p>Even as the days had melted into weeks, there had been no signs of stopping my emotional roller-coaster. Every time I'd thought I'd cried myself dry, something would happen, and then I would realize that my tears weren't as limited as I'd thought they were. Every night, I would have prayed. <em>Please, tell me how to heal this pain without tears.<em> Because even if I couldn't feel it, it was but a momentary respite until someone mentioned something that would remind me that my beloved was comatose in a hospital with two bullet wounds in his body.

* * *

><p>No pain. I could feel no pain as I lifted my finger to the black, black sky. I don't want to lose them. I don't want to lose him. But what a painful world it was. I understood what this power meant. In that moment, I understood everything. The reason I had come back to Tatsumi Port Island, the reason I had gained this power, the reason I was the Fool, the reason I was alive. I had been the vessel of Death for ten long years, and now . . .<p>

In my heart, I carved the pain of hope. _I don't want to lose them. I don't want to lose you._ But how horribly ironic and painful this world was. I would exchange it: my life for all of theirs. I wanted to cry then, mixed tears of so many emotions. Joy, that I would fulfill the meaning of my life, and that he and my friends would all live. Relief, that all this fighting and Dark-Hour-slash-Tartarus-slash-Shadow insanity would be all over with this final skill. And heart-wrenching, painfully powerful sorrow, for I would be leaving everyone behind. Why? Why does love only show its light to us, to me, only to take it away?

I could feel his presence as a solidified my resolve, came to terms with my ultimate destiny and prepared myself to face it. As if, for those few preciously timeless seconds, I was back in his arms again, surrounded by his love and warmth and gentleness and the promise of safety and protection and eternity. As if he was supporting me and my decision, helping me keep my hand steady as I pointed to that horrid thing that was trying to kill my friends.

I took a breath.

The words came naturally.

And in that moment, even as I sealed my fate, I could feel no more pain.

**~Owari~**


End file.
